Why do I love him??

Why do I love him?


Tough question. I don't even know how or where to begin. I'm not sure if I could possibly find the right words to express what or how much I feel for him, let alone explain why I love him. I don't believe the English language has all the words I would need.


Why do I love him?

I guess I just do. I love him just because. I love him just because that's the most natural and possible thing to do.


I love him.

I love him because he's the most incredible, wonderful, amazing and fantastic guy I have ever known in my entire life. I love him because he's sweet, charming, smart, witty, and has a great sense of humor. I love him because he's so cool he's hot.


I love him because he makes me smile. I love him because he makes me laugh. I love him because he makes me happy. I love him because he's the one and only guy who has ever made it through my wall and seen right through my mask. I love him because he accepts the real me, imperfections and all, and still appreciates me for who I am.


I love him for being my friend. I love him because I could be whatever I want to be in front of him. I love him because we could talk about anything and everything under the sun.
I love him because I feel safe when I am with him. I love him because we are comfortable with each other. I love him for giving me a helping hand when I had to pick myself up, but couldn't. I love him for offering his shoulder for me to lean on to when I had to be strong, but wasn't.


I love him for telling me not to drink too much alcohol. I love him for telling me not to stay up too late at night because it wasn't good for my health. I love him for texting and sending me sweet and mushy messages. I love him for those times when he would call or text me just when I was thinking of calling or texting him, when I was feeling down, or when I was missing him, like he has gone psychic all of a sudden.


I love him for the kilig moments we had. I love him for always making me feel better, about myself and life in general. I love him for making me feel special. I love him for making me feel loved. But most of all, I love him for making me feel. I love him for making me realize that I am capable of feeling this way and this much for someone. I love him for making me feel alive.
So, why do I love him?

I love him because he's all of these and more. So much more. I love him because he's everything.. He's everything... My everything...

TEARFUL ):

there are some things that bother me for quite sometime now. but i never talked about it. because i really dont talk about things that give me serious pain.. its like torturing myself more.

i feel heavy today. not literally, of course (though my weight is one of the many things that i hate talking about). it's as if i have this huge load inside my heart that causes me to breathe heavily from time to time. damn. i hate myself. i hate the girl i see whenever i face the mirror. i hate the pain in her eyes. i hate the way smiles, to try to hide the imperfections in her life. dont get me wrong, im not miserable. i am actually happy and content with my life. but it is inevitable to think about how messed my life is. oh god i cant hold back the tears anymore.

I AM HURT. seriously. for real. this for sure is not PMS. i am not pregnant either. i am hurt and i cant conceal it from the world anymore. and this is not the kind of pain that makes you stronger or the pain that you can show to evryone or share with your closest friends. it is something that i have to carry all alone, something that at the same time i fear and worry about. something caused by the people who matter to me. people who, when talked or asked about, brings tears to my eyes.

i cant go on pretending anymore. my life is something i shouldnt be proud of, something i shouldnt be sharing to anyone.

it has always been uncomfortable for me to talk about the things that give me pain. so excuse me for holding back.

pause.

i prayed, surrendered everything to Him and hoped for the best.

i love you mom and dad. ):

F O R E M O S T

"Every choice you make when you're lost, Every step you take has it's cause.."

... I have no idea about what to write in my first blog entry, until i finished downloading this meaningful song from MLTR (while watching Lovers in Paris). Suddenly, everything that happened in my life these past few months came rushing in. i was reminded of the tears and the pain, then eventually the joy and the smiles that came after... i've always believed that everything happens for a reason, and back then, i was willing to wait, no matter how long, for the answers. i never thought that God would give me the answers that fast!!!!! (:

"After you clear your eyes, you'll see the light somewhere in the darkness..

After the rain has gone, you'll feel the sun comes..

and though it seems your sorrow never ends,

someday its gonna make sense..."

I dont want to define anymore how dark my life used to be, and how lonely i used to feel. Ive left them all behind. what matters is that everything's making sense now. i've moved on and recovered. and if i have to do it all over again, to end up in where i am right now, i'll do it again with all my heart, because all the tears and the pain and the waiting are all worth it...

"after the rain has gone you feel the sun comes

and though it seems your sorrow never ends,

someday it's gonna make sense.."

Someday is already here. that Someday is Now. (:

"Kahit gaano ka pa kaperpekto, kung hindi ka mahal, hindi ka talaga mahal."

-this line I got from Lovers in Paris. Sensible it is. (:

xoxo,

B.